Just like any recovering addict, I would be lying to say that the temptation of my eating disorder doesn't get to me on a daily basis. I struggle, more than I let anyone know, because I feel it's easier for me and everyone else that way. Some days are easier than others, and I slide by, yet others test my will to recover. Today was a rough day, because it started with an unacceptable number on the scale. It doesn't matter why it says what it does, whether I drank too much water last night, or ate a big meal before bedtime, it says what it says, and that's it. It does make me feel slightly better when I know the cause, but i still feel that itching feeling when the scale starts creeping up. That feeling of out of control, I'm losing my mind, I can't take this anymore, I have to fix this immediately! This is why I weigh myself everyday, perhaps to keep myself going crazy over a pound or two, or perhaps to keep me from going overboard...the kind you can do in a week, but not in a day.
I've started to try to incorporate a process to keep me from relapsing when these frantic moments come into play. I try to calm myself down, and know that starving myself will not be the answer, even though that's exactly what I want to do, and have many times given into the temptation. Then I regroup and pretend I am starting over on my journey through weight loss...for some reason this helps my mind not go so crazy. I swear it's all in the mindset that you can start to control these urges...at least to a point. If I dwell on the fact that I have gained two pounds, and now I have to lose two pounds to be where I want to be again, I feel ashamed and defeated. This can sometimes spiral into more weight GAIN, because I've been so depressed about gaining the two pounds in the first place! So I make the decision to start fresh and forget the weight gain, and pretend it never happened, or at least try. It's a much more freeing feeling to be thinking about losing two pounds from a starting weight, then losing the two pounds you just gained. The weight you gained needs to be accepted, so you can start to lose it, instead of dwelling on what you did wrong. Perhaps this doesn't help you, but I'm guessing it can't hurt! It's a much more positive experience, and I feel it has helped me a lot in the past, and I still currently use this kind of thinking to help me prevent relapsing after weight gain.
If you have gained weight and are having a freakout moment, take a moment and try to change your thinking before you proceed. Then I suggest eating a low-carb diet for the next day or until you reach your weight goal. If you've gained the weight in a week or so, it probably won't take you that long to get back to where you were, but make sure you don't restrict...this will only hurt your metabolism and lead to more weight gain in the long run. I have to tell myself these things everytime I feel anxious or I probably would still be relapsing, which I haven't done in a long time. This thought process may seem trivial or useless, but remember, it could be a tool that not only could help you stop the relapsing cycle, but maintain your desire but healthy weight, so why not give it a try?
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