I think one of the scariest times for me in the past has been gaining weight when trying to recover from my eating disorder. I was told that my weight would gradually increase and overshoot my 'set point' and then come back down and stabilize. The first time I attempted to recover, this sounded MUCH easier than it actually was. I would get a weight in my mind and think, alright, if I can just achieve that weight and maintain it eating normal, then I think I can manage this recovery thing. Unfortunately my body never wanted to maintain much of anything. I would gain more than I was comfortable with, then relapse would set back in.
This went on quite a few times. With every cycle I slowly gained more weight, and it was harder and harder to lose it, sound familiar? I ended up around 45 lbs. heavier than where I had started, eating on average 1500 calories a day, while exercising religiously. Finally my weight hit a plateau (who knows how much higher it would have went if I would have continued this behavior). This type of weight gain caused me extreme anxiety, and I felt like I had NO control over my body or weight, I was waking up every morning waiting to gain weight. It was extremely frustrating because I felt like I had completely messed up my metabolism, and it wasn't normalizing like it should have been. Unfortunately at this point I was extremely unhappy with my body (weight), and my eating disorder wasn't much better than when I had been thinner, since I was so obsessed with how much weight I was gaining.
This caused me to fall back into my extreme eating habits so I could lose around 10 lbs. I maintained the extreme dieting to keep my weight where it was because I was unable to lose more weight. Sometime later I was put on Wellbutrin, followed by Topamax, which helped me to lose another 15 lbs. These drugs seemed wonderful at the time, because they helped me accomplish something I didn't seem to be able to do on my own. After a seizure on Wellbutrin, and numerous cognitive side effects on Topamax, I'm beginning to think that neither of these drugs are all that amazing. On Topamax, the initial weight loss didn't last, and I was stuck, and I was back with my slow metabolism, eating 1000-1500 calories and exercising daily. This was hard on me mentally and physically, because I still felt like I didn't have control over my body, although at least my weight had stabilized in a reasonable range, so I was trying not to complain too much.
It was not until I started my current diet which is low in carbohydrates, which I wish I would have started years ago, that I saw the light. I believe this revolutionized my metabolism, and has helped it begin to work properly once again. I would never recommend anyone go on one of the above drugs for weight loss alone, they have too many side effects, and I believe there are better ways to lose weight. If I could go back, I would change my diet to avoid taking these drugs! Although weight loss was not the reason I started either of these drugs, the fear of gaining the weight back if I discontinue use has kept me taking Topamax. Although I am battling to quit this drug, my eating has changed significantly due to my dietary changes. I can now eat when I'm hungry, and stop when I'm full, without weight gain. I believe that my metabolism is slowly healing itself from the many years of abuse, and this diet was obviously just what I needed to give it a boost!
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