Giving Back...

So as I was sitting in Ethics class today, having an ethical debate on Euthanasia, something caught me off guard. This was perhaps something I've thought many times before, but never struck me as much as it did today for some reason, so I thought I would share it with you. I am not for active Euthanasia in any circumstance because of my religion, and am on the fence about passive Euthanasia. This brought about a question in my mind about health care. The article that our class read said that letting someone die was just as bad as killing someone, passive vs. active Euthanasia. This struck me, because I agreed that in many cases letting someone die could be just as bad as killing someone. This being said, I've always disagreed with National Health Care, even though one of their main arguments is that people should not die because they don't have enough money to pay for their health care.

It is obvious to me that National Health Care can not work for one simple reason, our country cannot afford it, simple as that. There should be no other arguments made in favor or against National Health Care debating the issue, because without the funds, it simply cannot sustain itself. I agree with the rational of the National Health Care activists, but I think there are other ways to achieve the same goal, perhaps more effectively. I believe that if the government wasn't forcing millions of taxpayers to give their money to a system that many of them didn't believe was working properly, they would be more willing to give their money to local people in need. I feel that communities would help out more, and the people that really needed money would be more likely to receive it.

On a side note: This may seem off topic from my normal blog article...but as someone looking for mental, spiritual and physical health, I believe I am searching for my way to help people, and with this idea it occurred to me that I should be doing more to help others. I started thinking about the importance of touching other peoples' lives in any way possible. I believe this can be very therapeutic for someone suffering from a mental or physical illness. Even though I don't agree with National Health Care, I do agree that people need help, and it is extremely important to find time to help them, because you never know when you will need others' help....

First Comes Identity, Then Comes Intimacy...

Growing up, I obviously had countless struggles, faced some head on, and continued to have a hard time with some of the others. One of my biggest struggles was obviously that of anorexia, for a variety of reasons. When I was young it didn't always occur to me that I was placing all of my identity in an eating disorder. I lived, ate and breathed everything about my addiction, and had no time for much else. I have always thought that I could not live without it, and because of that, it has seeped inside me, and become part of me, my identity. This did not seem like a big deal, and in fact, I rather liked it for many years. I continued with my life, pretending that a part of me had not been replaced by an eating disorder. It was not until I got into a serious relationship that it finally came to me, I had NO idea who I was! I had been wondering around life clueless, and now I realized it because it was arising conflict in my relationship. It was not until then that I really cared either, because I didn't feel like I could have a full and satisfying relationship while still investing part of myself in this eating disorder. Some might say...I can have both, eating disorder AND relationship. I would beg to differ, because an eating disorder aims to take up all your time and energy, making your one TRUE goal and priority thinness, making the relationship come second, and this will obviously never work. I still struggle with finding my identity, because it has been unclear for so long, but my ability to see that I need to try to find a separate identity from my addictions before I can have a healthy relationship is my first step. I try to not get discouraged and remember how long I've had my eating disorder...it's going to take some time to unlearn all of the bad habits I acquired...but I know it's possible...

An Interesting Encounter...A Fellow Survivor

I've felt alone with this disease for quite some time. It's hard to trust people with my secrets, and I'm always weary of people. For so long all I wanted was a buddy to starve with me. I guess it was about more than just that, I wanted someone that understood me, who thought like me, and who I could share my deepest secrets with, and who completely agreed and felt the same way. It is extremely hard to find a confidant like that, especially because the disease is so secretive, and because I am so secretive. Plus the fact that I find most people are not the kind of people that I could get that close to, they are not like me. It's hard to keep all of my secrets inside, because I often feel like I'm rotting away from the inside out. The secrets I have haunt me, everyday, and sometimes I just feel like it would be nice to get them off my chest, but if someone doesn't understand, I'm not going to go bearing my soul and sounding like an idiot.

After I started trying to recover, I changed a little, and decided that I wanted someone who had been through what I had, but was on the same path as me, recovery. It is obvious that hanging out with people who are not actively seeking recovery would send me right back into a tailspin, but it would be nice to be able to talk to someone who has been through that sort of stuff, but as her head on straight. Perhaps it's truly hard to find that person, or it has been for me, because I've seen darkness, true darkness, and it feels like I need a friend who has seen it to. I have a passion for the things that hurt me, self-destruction. Many people don't understand this, find it crazy even, and many are on the borderline. I've always been drawn to the people that have been the most broken, or are the most broken. I feel like they relate to me more than anyone else.

Tonight I met someone. She seemed nice, vivacious, beautiful....I was jealous. We got to talking and she revealed to me many things about her life that were similar to mine, including the fact that she had and still struggles with an eating disorder. I also admitted that I still struggle with anorexia, and have for years. Our conversation went on for a couple hours, and I felt comforted in the fact that she understood me and visa versa. I hope I can form a good friendship with her, it would be amazing to have someone like her close, and there for support. I feel like God brought me to where I was...and I didn't even know why until the end of the night. It's incredible how things work! She actually has the same major as me too...how crazy huh?! Anyways, I feel less alone in the world right now...and I hope that you all can find a friend, eating survivor or not, to share your true feelings with, because otherwise, it's a very lonely lifestyle...Remember, I am always here if you would like someone to talk to, I know sometimes it's hard to talk to the people around you.

Benefits of Self-Hypnosis

I believe it is very important to take time for yourself, but in this very busy world, it's hard to wind down from everyday stresses. Sometimes it seems my mind is always racing, thinking about the things I have to do today, tomorrow, next week...etc. I am easily stressed, considering my past, and often find myself filled with anxiety and unable to cope with situations. This has been especially true lately, and so I set out to find some answers. After reading about self-hypnosis/hypnosis I became extremely interested in how it could benefit me. Hypnosis can be used for a wide variety of things, such as treating phobias, quitting smoking, memorization improvement, stress management and many other things! I believe it is a great tool for anyone. Here's a couple youtube videos that might be helpful if you're unsure of how to go about hypnotizing yourself:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIGSEGfd5Ds
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9Bi4gqdb0g&feature=related

A Healthy, Candida Friendly Chocolate Smoothie!

One of my favorite food indulgences is that of smoothies! Unfortunately, until now, I was unable to make one that tasted truly yummy, and satisfied all my cravings. I got this recipe off another website after doing a search, and slightly modified it to my liking.

Here is a web link to the original recipe, Carob Soy Shake/Smoothie.
http://hubpages.com/hub/The-Candida-Diet-Part-III

Here is my updated version of the recipe, and how I prefer it:
1 cup organic unsweetened soy milk (120 calories, 5 carbs)
1 Tbls. vegetable glycerin (66 calories,15 carbs)
1/2 tsp. stevia extract (liquid)
4 Tbls. ground flax seeds (160 calories, 8 carbs)
3 Tbls. coconut milk (unsweetened) (10 calories, 0 carbs)
1 Tbls. unsweetened carob powder (20 calories, 5 carbs)
1/4 tsp. vanilla flavoring (different than vanilla extract)
Ice (how much is up to you)
Blend until your satisfied with consistency
376 calories, 33 carbs (including fiber carbs) 

I found this drink delicious, and I hope you will too! You may also play around with the ingredients if you like, to find the perfect fit for yourself. I added some nutritional facts for those interested in counting carbs or calories. I do both and generally write them down everyday in my food log. Nutritional facts can vary depending on the type of ingredients you buy, but this will give you a rough estimate. I was able to get all of these ingredients at my local health food store. 
ENJOY! :)

(note: I do not normally advocate for the use of soy milk, because too much can be unhealthy. I do feel, however, that it is alright to use soy milk as a treat once in a while in small  quantities, and in any case, organic unsweetened soy milk should always be used.

That Thing You Do...

As a recovering anorexic, it's often very hard for me on a day to day basis to maintain my focus because of all the temptations. It's a much different addiction than most others, because the addiction is played out everywhere around us. I know from experience that I am drawn to tabloid magazines and any image with an emaciated or thin women on it. I also know that this is my addiction. Every time I look at these images that I am so drawn to, I feel like crap afterward...so why the crap so I look at them?! I know I used to justify this self-destructive behavior by saying, "this will make me work harder, eat less, lose more", because I knew the images would make me feel bad about myself, and it would motivate me. Now I am trying to get out of this rut I have created for myself, where I still want to do this destructive behavior, even though I am trying to get well. Most people with eating disorders know exactly what I am talking about, this idea of "thinspiration", an unhealthy ideal that will perhaps forever cloud our minds. Whether or not I am drawn to thinness, it does not mean I have to continually subject myself to these images and then the horrible self hatred that follows. To be perfectly honest, I find myself doing this and don't always even realize it, that is how normal it is. I would go as far as to say that it provides a kind of high that keeps us coming back for more...like a real drug. Even if you don't have an eating disorder, I feel like many people can relate to this sort of behavior, because I see women, and men, looking at the tabloids all the time, and we all know that these magazines aren't going to boost self-esteem! Yet they continue to read them...so it's a universally destructive behavior that I think we all need to be more aware of, so we can work to change it. I think this is a good step in learning to love yourself more...not being so obsessed with what you could be, and focusing more on what you are, and what your own potential is.

Yet Another EXCELLENT Way to Eat Those Vegetables!

This is a very good recipe for cooking just about any vegetable to perfection. It gets boring always steaming or pan frying veggies, so I love to roast them in the oven! This brings out the natural sweetness of the vegetable, and always its flavor to truly shine. This method of cooking veggies comes in a close second, possibly tied for first, with my other recipe using almond meal/flour. To roast veggies, it's pretty simple, and that's part of what I love about it...
(Before you start, preheat the oven to 400 degrees)
1. Pick out your favorite Veggies
2. Wash them thoroughly
3. Dry them thoroughly
4. Place them on a cookie sheet
5. Drizzle a Tbls. or two of olive oil over them (or an oil of your choice, but I prefer olive oil)
6. Add Salt and Pepper to your liking (I prefer a fair amount)
7. (optional) Peel some lemon zest over top of veggies (this is the outer layer of the lemon only)
8. Use your hands and mix the veggies and oil thoroughly
9. Make sure the veggies are in a single row on the cookie sheet, they will bake better
10. Place them in the oven and wait about five minutes before you turn them....another five to ten minutes and they will be done. You can decide how "roasted" you want them...they are supposed to shrivel, and the longer they are in the oven, the more they will shrivel.
11. ENJOY :)