The cycle of food addiction is all too common these days. Individuals with and without eating disorders suffer from unhealthy relationships with food. Like so many others, I have a food addiction. The common cycle looks something like this:
1. I dislike my body - I want to lose weight
2. I go on an unmanageable diet which may or may not include severe restriction and/or purging
3. I feel brain fog, severe fatigue, hunger and cravings
4. I become so hungry I binge
5. I feel guilty, full, bloated
6. I dislike my body and begin restricting again
Of course, often the foods that I crave are also the foods I restrict. These foods control my thoughts, I daydream about them until I eat them. The foods are usually high in carbohydrates, sugar and fat; they are the types of foods that make me feel disgusting every time I eat them, but often the elusive pull of my cravings eventually wins out over my willpower and knowledge of the foreseeable future torment.
Unknowingly, when I began the Candida diet, I removed my biggest obstacle in fighting the addiction, carbohydrates and sugar. These foods are addicting on their own, but combined with an eating disorder, they are mind controlling. I began to realize that cutting back on these foods was not enough, I needed to remove them completely from my diet. This sounds incredibly difficult to do, and it was initially, but over time I began to enjoy that food did not control my life, and I did not miss the ups and downs of the food addiction cycle. Removing the temptation was made easier because I made sure to eat more of the healthy foods which curbed cravings and kept me from being constantly hungry. Even now that I've been on the Candida diet for years, if I eat certain foods I begin to feel the guilt, the shame, the need to begin the cycle again. That feeling helps keep me on track. I know what it's like to live without the constant feeling of addiction, and I try to remember that in order to stay away from the foods that trigger my eating disorder.
Going on the strict version of the Candida diet was easier for me than most, because I used my obsessive nature to aid me in eating healthier. I made the diet a challenge. I used all the willpower I had always been using to harm myself, and I turned it into positive willpower. I admit, when i first began the diet my intentions were less than honorable, I felt that the diet would help me lose weight. Fortunately, over time, the diet still worked its magic on me both physically and mentally. I was able to maintain my weight easier, control my addiction to food, and live a more meaningful life. The longer I was away from the food cycle, the less power it had over me, and the less I felt I needed it to live. Ironically, most eating disorder treatments are focused mostly on refeeding and teaching individuals to eat all foods (good/bad) in moderation. Moderation has never been something I could do, especially when it comes to carbs and sugar. I look at these substances like drugs, and you never hear a drug addiction center tell their patients to learn to enjoy drugs in moderation! I think this diet has helped me to feel more powerful and in control, just as my eating disorder did, but in a more healthy and manageable way.
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